February 2012
1 post
January 2012
3 posts
SFO's Yoga Room →
In a very California move, my home airport has opened up a free yga space to help travelers zen it up. Yes.
Bought my flight to Vietnam (and back) via Seoul. This is big. This is buy-myself-traveler’s insurance big. I’m pumped. Are you pumped?
5 months, 21 days.
Sky Mall →
Fun fact of the day: you can have Sky Mall sent to your house. Then just lock yourself in a room full of strangers with the flu, eat an ounce of pretzels, and watch the Proposal 6.6 times. Side note: tomato juice in a non-recyclable plastic cup with those funny tube-shaped ice cubes tastes more like vacation than piña coladas ever will.
Resolutions
We all know 2012 is likely to be our last year on Earth. (I’m expecting something really Hitchhiker’s Guide-esque, which is why I eagerly befriend anyone trying to shake hands with a car.) Therefore, this is the year for resolutions.
In 2012, I resolve to:
Use similes like a fifth-grade English student
Run like I’m on the lam
Eat like a foreign exchange student
Drink like...
November 2011
1 post
Upcoming adventures
People: Why do you want to be a doctor?
Me: Well, the only other career that allows me to explore the human body every day is prostitution, and whores don't get dental benefits.
October 2011
4 posts
Why I would make a terrible teacher
Kid: I don't want to do this! We don't need to learn this crap!
Me: Okay, you don't have to do the classwork. You take this mop and this toilet brush and go clean the bathrooms for the hour, and I'll give you eight dollars.
Kid: For eight bucks? No way!
Me: It's menial labor or sitting through class, babe. It's best you learn that now.
August 2011
3 posts
“And then it hit me, this metaphysical weariness that seemed to strike at the...”
– Carsten Jensen (I Have Seen the World Begin)
“Language was invented for one reason, boys… to woo women!”
– J. Keating
L’appel du vide.
Metaphorically speaking.
July 2011
12 posts
Mother
Kelly: That's interesting. My dictionary says that "mor," meaning "the organic component of soil formed under acid conditions" comes from a Danish word. Then I looked it up, and "mor" means "mother."
Mom: Those Danes... have an interesting sense of humor.
Kelly: Oh, but "mør" means "tenderize, dark, mouldering, juicier." What does mouldering mean?
Mom: Like smoldering, sort of.
Kelly: I looked it up. Nothing like smoldering.
Google Translate voice: Mør. Mor.
Mom: Sort of a vomit noise. What a romantic language, Danish.
Travel for Free →
“Leave your possessions and obsessions behind. When you travel, you don’t need to pay rent. You don’t need a car. You don’t need an oven, a washer-dryer, electricity, cable TV, a gym membership, a sofa and loveseat or a closet full of clothes.
You don’t need a suit and tie to wear to your job because you don’t need a job. You don’t need to worry about paying the bills, because there...
It's Time →
Numbers one, five, six, and eight hit home. Okay, pretty much all of it but “having too much money.”
K: I need a job that allows me to decide to spend a year or two living in France and then five years in Sweden, or whatever
E: A fisherman
“In Seattle you haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine...”
– Jeff Bezos (founder of Amazon.com)
Summer 2011 Goal Update
Unpack. Check! I even cleaned out my closet and bureau and donated a bunch to Goodwill.
Be vegetarian. Mostly check! I’ve had a few slips with seafood or incidental gelatin, but I’ll be back on the wagon soon.
Make my own clothes. Check again! I still have a huge pile of clothes in my room and sewing cabinet to tailor, but I’ve accomplished a shirt, skirt, and dress so far,...
How to Talk to Little Girls →
I enjoyed not only the subject matter, but also the motley style in which this author writes. Dig it, kids. (Side note: aren’t you tempted to follow “motley” with “crew?” That shit’s so cliched there’s actually a Wikipedia page for it.)
June 2011
27 posts
The Virgin-Whore Dichotomy →
Clara: should i watch brokeback mountain or shutter island?
Clara: it´s a long time since i have seen brokeback
Kelly: i hate that ending though
Kelly: i like movies that end in like
Kelly: idk, good things
Kelly: gay sex
Kelly: yeah
Kelly: it should have ended with sex
Clara: haha, just admit it. not enough porn in it for you
Kelly: well i mean
Kelly: if i wanted porn thats what id be watching
Kelly: just not enough happy
Kelly: it was like sex, two years of boring wife and sad kid, sex, eight years and a divorce, oh look hes dead
Clara: ...
Kelly: fine
Kelly: not enough porn
“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”
– It’s always appropriate to quote Doctor Seuss during major life transitions.
Unlock Scent
Yesterday was my last chance to go out with friends before leaving Ecuador. Let me just tell you we had way too much fun. This morning, I was way more entertained than anyone should be by the contents of my purse.
Pink plaid button-down shirt
Make-up bag
Five fifty-cent pieces and one Ecuadorian penny
Toothbrush without cap
Beatles matchbook
Flash drive
Half-size pack Marlboro Gold (and I...
You know you're an exchange student when...
1. You know how to swear in more languages than you can hold a conversation
2. You’ve accidentally spoken to your parents in a language they don’t know
3. You use the term “natural parents,” but aren’t adopted
4. You introduce yourself not only with your name, but also with your country of origin and language abilities
5. You explain daily that you live nowhere...
One third of American girls will get pregnant at least once before she can legally drink. Sound like a plan? No? (Readers outside Fort Bragg should go here.)
Clara's Four-in-the-Morning Special
So I was planning on posting this last night so I could get the tone right, but I got distracted. Regardless, it would have gone something like this:
“So first I was like, man, we should make grilled cheese so I made these totally rad grilled cheese sandwiches with raisin bread in the sandwich maker but then they looked really dry so I put butter on top and then I found ham in the fridge...