La Extranjera

We all know 2012 is likely to be our last year on Earth. (I’m expecting something really Hitchhiker’s Guide-esque, which is why I eagerly befriend anyone trying to shake hands with a car.) Therefore, this is the year for resolutions.

In 2012, I resolve to:

1. Use similes like a fifth-grade English student
2. Run like I’m on the lam
3. Eat like a foreign exchange student
4. Drink like Nick Charles
5. Drive like Mario Andretti (before I channel Nick Charles, that is)
6. Study like I have Asian parents
7. Cook like Julia Child, not to be confused with Paula Deen, is watching
8. Make friends like a child
9. Go to fucking Vietnam (THAT’S RIGHT.)